Walking Through Sobriety – Step Eight

“Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all”

Who have I harmed? It took me a long time to figure this out.

Some persons were obvious. The fellow I ‘borrowed’ $700 dollars from, and never paid back, for example. That was pretty clear. The times I had lied to the woman I was seeing about the other woman I was seeing … I could see how this might have harmed them, as I could see how it had harmed our relationship.

But there were lots of people who I was not sure should be on my list. These are people who, when I thought about them, I simply felt awful. I felt that maybe I had not behaved well, but had I harmed them?

Sorting this out took some discussion with my sponsor, and a willingness to be honest with myself at a level I had never before attempted

Most importantly, making this list required me to do something that I, as a self-absorbed alcoholic, had very little practice at – examining how my actions affected other persons.

This step asks me to ‘keep my side of the street clean.’ Doing so requires that I develop an awareness of how what I say and what I do can affects the people in my life.

To be realistic about this impact, I have to be able to step outside myself, even if only for a moment, and look at the situation from their perspective.

This step then asks me to be responsible for my actions when it asks that I become willing to make amends for the harms I have done.

This step is the start of forming right relationships with others. I get to take an honest look at myself in relationship with others, seeking to see things from a perspective that is broad enough to include both them and myself. I get to start taking responsibility for my actions – and letting others take responsibility for theirs.