Walking through Sobriety – Step Seven

“Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings”

I remember earnestly discussing Step Seven over quite a bit with a few guys in the program in early sobriety. We would go round and round, as there did not seem to be anything to get hold of in this step.

We looked for the subtle nuances of each word … shortcomings, for example. Did this mean the same thing as ‘these defects of character’ we became willing to let go of in Step Six? Could they be ‘our wrongs’ we admitted in Step Five?

And what about this removed business? Were we going to have spiritual brain surgery? What part would be removed? How was this to happen? Ask? Like you would bum a cigarette on Church Street? Was this the on-your-knees stuff the old timers were talking about?

We talked a lot, and did not get anywhere. Somewhere along the line I quit thinking about it.

And, in that time, I ‘came to believe’ that there is some power other than myself that is stronger than me. That is the ‘him’ part, I expect.

I got used to the idea of asking for help … help with sobriety from AA friends, help with the legalities of a divorce from a lawyer, help on home renovations from a builder, help on spiritual matters from these magical conversations that seem to pop up with the right people at the right time, and finally, simply, asking the universe for support. So, I am comfortable with the asking part.

And, shortcomings, defects, wrongs … I see that I need to be responsible for my actions, so maybe guidance on good actions is the removal bit?

It seems a lot simpler now. I am asking for help in taking the right action.

Simple, except that today I find a powerful paradox in the humility asked of us in this step. For, it seems to me, humility contains a powerful contradiction. It asks me to hold two opposing ideas in my mind at the same time.

The first idea is that I accept myself exactly as I am now. I see the rotten defects in my character. I see that I seek the easy way out. That I don’t like to be responsible. I want to take the action without reaping the natural consequences of that action. I am tempted to be, and sometimes am, less than perfectly honest. I am afraid, and let fear make decisions for me.

So, in taking this step, I have to take this all in and see it as the truth. Accept it completely, and be completely willing to let it be … for who can deny what is?

And the second idea is that I accept myself exactly as I am not. That take as given the potential for working through my perennial problems differently the next time round. That I accept that I can treat others and myself well, and not be taken advantage of in doing so. That I see as real the strength to handle whatever life may bring.

To accept that I can bring to my relationships kindness, respect, caring. I have to hold as real the possibility of change, to the extent that I completely let go of who I am today … for I do not know what I may be at the end of all this change.

I am used to dealing with opposites by trying to reconcile them. By coming to some sort of compromise, a meeting in the middle that takes some from each end.

But here, that will not work. A view that takes only partially accepts who I am, and filters potential changes through a screen of fear will not work.

For me, today, the humility in the “ask” in this step comes from holding two beautiful, contradictory truths at the same time – myself as I am now, and myself as I am not.